Wednesday, August 17, 2011

There Are No Words...

So... Round #5 was another bust.  I was on 100 mg Clomid, cd 6-10 and once again, did not ovulate.  Dr decided that for Round #6, I would be switched to 150 mg Clomid, cd 3-7.  Well, on cd 14, I got a + OPK and I was surprised and excited.  I was excited because I was finally ovulating again!  And surprised because all other rounds where ovulation occurred, I didn't ovulate until cd 21.  I just figured switching the days I took the Clomid caused me to ovulate sooner.  7 days after my + OPK (Monday), I went in for my progesterone blood draw.  Throughout that entire day, I was having menstrual like cramps.  The entire day I was getting more and more optimistic because the only pregnancy symptom I had with Reagan was cramps.  Then yesterday, I woke up not feeling any cramps.  As the day went on, and not a cramp in sight, I started to get discouraged that maybe I wasn't pregnant.  Well, this morning, the Dr's office called me and told me that my blood results came back and showed that I had ovulated.  I was completely shocked!  I'd heard that people with PCOS can have several LH surges (which is what the OPKs test) but still not ovulate, but I thought that taking Clomid would solve that problem.  Apparently not! 

Now, I have no idea what's going to happen next.  Studies have shown that the chances of getting pregnant after the 6th cycle of Clomid go down significantly.  And since I haven't responded to it in 4 cycles, there is really no point in continuing to try it.  I've left a message with the Dr, but will most likely need to be referred to a fertility specialist.  Problem is, that crap is EXPENSIVE!!!  We'll have a consult no matter what, but most likely, we will not be able to journey down that road.  But going it au naturale is probably not going to work for us.  When trying for Reagan, I went without ovulating for an entire year.  No ovulation = No eggo to get preggo.

There are no words for the emotional ups and downs of trying to conceive.  One minute you think, "This is the month!" and the next, all hopes are shot down the drain and you're left thinking "WTF?"  I've had enough tears in the past 8 months to last a lifetime and this has just been an incredibly crappy year (just ask Ted) and I would love to have this journey to end in joy... and the sooner, the better!  My patience has about run out.